Today I was watching my little son play with a foot ball. It did not have much air and it was damaged by being left out in all types of weather. But for a 2 year old boy it did  not matter. It looked round. It could bounce, which meant all the definitions of a ball met for him. It kept him occupied for a long time.

For a mind with no or mild ego state it was a perfect ball that can be played with. It could not find any fault with it. If ego is taken out of your mind, most of the things in the world would  be perfect as it is.  Looking for perfection is the work of ego. It will create a lot of mental noise. Each human being have something unique in them. Our job is to find and make the best use of  that uniqueness and not to exploit what we are not meant for.

If we look at our own imperfections, we create negative self judgment. It will take your confidence  away.  If we judge others imperfections, we  will try to change them. It will take your happiness away. If you are being mindful you will notice that these imperfections don’t really matter anyway, and to be human is to be imperfect. Perfection is the job of the super power.

“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” – Leo Tolstoy


Self Awareness

Dear Wife,

Self awareness or conscious living or mindfulness is the first step in personality development. Today I want to tell you how this small tiny but difficult step can help you get the best out of the world out there.

Self awareness is a process of just being aware of what you are doing, what you are thinking and what you are feeling. All it does is re validates your action with your intellect  and rather than ego mind which normally takes control of you during unconscious behavior. Mind in you has this part called Ego Mind or Negative mind. Its intended job is to police  your thoughts by being a devils advocate. It activates and keeps feeding negative information to your mind.  If you just  ignore it, it will shut itself up. But if you give importance to those thoughts, it will rule you. It will pull you down. It will take you to a world of suffering.

Just being aware of this happening will significantly reduce the influence of your ego mind.

You might get angry when you see an obstacle to your desire. Just become aware of your anger. Realise that it is your ego mind that is wanting you to get angry fighting for that desire. Believe that there are other creative ways to solve that problem. If you think out of the box you might find amazing ways to solve it.  Your intellect mind is made for this creative thinking.

We go into unconscious state of living and reacting to situations again and again like we normally used to do. Why not try this for a week ?

Being is just changing the way you think.


Venting Vs Complaining

Dear Wife

I was reading about what is complaining and venting and it is very interesting to understand its difference.

In dictionary venting is defined as expression of negative emotion in a forceful and often unfair way, however I like the definition that Natalia tells in her blog here

Venting: A cathartic release of thought and emotion with no malice or harm intended to any other party. A venter does not wish to change the core of their world, merely express how it affects them at that point in time.

Complaining: A negative monologue regarding either the self or another, usually with the wish to alter some aspect of one or the other. A complainer may often be repetitive and resistant to positive feedback and the idea of change.

Venting is very positive thing if you become aware of doing it and stop when you should. It should never become a personal attack. it is just taking the pressure out of your head without having any expectation of change and as an acknowledgement of letting your frustrations out and closing that topic.

  • Never vent for more than 10 minutes. Have a clear timeout in head
  • Focus on your feelings and avoid negative emotions and tell how and what you feel
  • Do not expect anything to change
  • Never make personal attack
  • Venting can be done alone – talk to yourself
  • More productive way to vent is to go do some activity that you like (like go for a Jog, Walk or Make / Cook or even eat good food)
  • Venting should remove your pressure thoughts. It should never ever transfer that pressure to someone else as a push to change
  • It is never a good idea to vent to a person who you want to vent about – You will increase the stress than relieving as there will always be defensive or counter attack and venting would become session of fault root cause and fining out who is right and who is wrong.
  • Venting is not a solution to the problem you are facing. It will not go away until you change your thought or circumstance or reaction

But isn’t it much better not to let the pressure build in the head first place. There are very basic things that can be done to avoid the pressure build up

  • Understand that happiness is a choice and acceptance is a solution
  • Miracles happen only by being positive and having faith. There are so many examples of people recovering from life threatening illness only by being positive. There cannot be even one story of recovery through complaining.
  • You cannot change other person unless it comes from their own mind. It is a mental tilt of balance that should happen within based on their judgement and assessment of the world
  • Awareness is a great solution, when you hear a negative mind chatter just become aware and tell yourself that it is not true. Understand that mental noise is created by ego.

What you normally do when you don’t like a thing is try to change it. If you can’t change it after a few tries, it is better to change the way you think about it. Complaining only creates negativity which is nothing but suffering.

With Love ,