Freedom & Fear

Freedom in pure form is the basic necessity for moving to higher level of happiness or spiritual maturity. Love means freedom like I said before. Freedom is focusing on what you are and not focusing on what you want. If you do this happiness will come naturally.

Lack of freedom creates fear of authority and punishment. Fear is hence the opposite of freedom and love. Fear generates constrictive thoughts. That is when we try and solve the problem using negative psychological reactions like anger to violence.

Continue reading

Equanimity

Dear Wife,

Equanimity, which every single religion of the word adores and promote is the state of being in the mental peace whatever be the situation. It is a state of having a calm, composed and neutral mind that does not get disturbed by emotions, pain and situations.

You can judge a person like this as a dry neutral or self-centred cold-hearted being. That is the ego’s judgement of atypical person.  Buddha says that a mind filled with equanimity is” abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility and without ill-will.”

Extroverted world value suffering more than peace. It expects emphatic behaviour towards the sufferer. It criticises the mind of equipoised as cruel, as having the heart of a stone. It judges a person who is not affected by overpowering emotional strains as ego. If you put this under the microscope you will understand the ignorance of the ego driven mind.

You always own the option of having no opinion.

Love,

 

Simplicity

Dear Wife,

Life should be simple. If we find it difficult, hard or painful then we are doing something very wrong. “Out of clutter, find simplicity.” says Albert Einstein who is a strong advocate of simplicity whose theories are foundation of modern physics. In his view “When the solution is simple, God is answering.”

Continue reading

Self Awareness

Dear Wife,

Self awareness or conscious living or mindfulness is the first step in personality development. Today I want to tell you how this small tiny but difficult step can help you get the best out of the world out there.

Self awareness is a process of just being aware of what you are doing, what you are thinking and what you are feeling. All it does is re validates your action with your intellect  and rather than ego mind which normally takes control of you during unconscious behavior. Mind in you has this part called Ego Mind or Negative mind. Its intended job is to police  your thoughts by being a devils advocate. It activates and keeps feeding negative information to your mind.  If you just  ignore it, it will shut itself up. But if you give importance to those thoughts, it will rule you. It will pull you down. It will take you to a world of suffering.

Just being aware of this happening will significantly reduce the influence of your ego mind.

You might get angry when you see an obstacle to your desire. Just become aware of your anger. Realise that it is your ego mind that is wanting you to get angry fighting for that desire. Believe that there are other creative ways to solve that problem. If you think out of the box you might find amazing ways to solve it.  Your intellect mind is made for this creative thinking.

We go into unconscious state of living and reacting to situations again and again like we normally used to do. Why not try this for a week ?

Being is just changing the way you think.

Love,

Communication & Love

Dear Wife

One thing that I have understood loud and clear is that talking is not communicating. We think something in the mind and we use the words that we feel is appropriate to express that thought. But have you ever thought that those words have opposite meaning to the listener ?

It looks to be true when I analyse this in more detail.

Let me give a simple example – A typical wife might define love as a feeling of having her desires met by being emotionally connecting and feeling cared. In short expectation is to put wife’s needs and wants before partners. For a husband the definition of love could be giving you freedom to do what you want without interfering and treating you as an equal rights  partner.

If you analyse this in detail both have opposite meaning to each other. wife would feel lonely and let down and husband would feel suffocated in this relationship.

Unfortunately there is no global definition of love that would give same understanding to everyone. For that matter none of the words have same interpretation by two people.

So generally couples continue to talk, shout and go into unconscious behaviors without understanding that they are not talking the same language with each other. They do not communicate. They create a negative charge by just talking. This negative charge builds up and might ignite with an unexpected small spark.

I have analysed various words like respect, maturity, happiness and each has opposite meaning to us. When most common words have opposite meaning what would a sentence mean to the other.  It is impossible to comprehend a common meaning unless we sit and decipher every word in the context of each other.   Even if you see the Cambridge dictionary it gives multiple subjective meaning for the same word.

You cannot put on others shoe and understand because the language and interpretation are totally different unless you replace the brain.

If you read spiritual texts, definition of love is more closer to freedom. This is a hard to accept definition until you understand what is love. Love is not classified as an emotion.

Love should not be demanding. Demanding is very easy. Love is acceptance of someone as they are. You need a very big heart to accept unconditionally without any expectations. That heart is love.

With love

 

 

Negativity

Dear Wife,

I have spoken to you many times about negativity. I want to explain  what is negativity and how it wrecks your body. Emotions are energised thoughts.

Emotion = Thoughts + Energy.

It can be used constructively as well as destructively.

We base our life on our desires. When a desire is not fulfilled and if mind interprets it negatively then it generates negative emotions. Anger, Fear, Greed, Jealousy, Guilt, Sadness, Anxiety etc are negative in nature.

  •  Anger – Feeling that you get when there is an obstacle to our desire
  •  Jealous – If we have/ dont have something that we desire and someone else has little more of it
  •  Sadness – If we loose something that we desire
  •  Guilt – Desiring or doing something against your moral

Desire is necessary for life but not compulsory. Desire should not become a need. This is where ego takes control of your thoughts. Ego will generate noise in your head like – I am the most unlucky person in this world or why should it happen to me always. You may start thinking that  he does not care for me because, He is not fulfilling my asks. Your mind takes that as a conclusion. If you give importance to these thoughts you are energising your thoughts.

If you get what you desired or if you do not consider that important your brain forces production of what is called happy hormone – serotonin and dopamine. This is sent into your blood stream. Any organ on receipt of this happy hormone relaxes itself. You feel a sense of happiness and achievement. Body works at its best optimum levels. This is what is human body is built for.

If you do not get what you desire and if your mind interprets it as a compulsive need not met – brian forces adrenal glands to generate hormones called cortisol and adrenaline also known as stress hormones. When this reaches your body parts through bloodstream they become rigid, alert, makes muscle stiff ready to fight. Your fight or flight mode is switched on.

For the body to be prepared for fight or flight it does various things when it sees cortisol

  • It releases a gush of glucose into blood stream, preparing energy for fight or flight
  • Suppresses immune system and diverts resources
  • Activates sympathetic nervous system which in turn suppresses digestion and food absorption as it has higher priority work to do
  • Constricts blood vessels and increases blood pressure preparing for delivery of higher dose of Oxygen for fighting or flying.

In Summary, your body starts working in a emergency mode. As long as the episode is short ( for Eg you will be sad when you loose a loved one ) you come out of it. But if this thought continues for days, months and years together then your body is always on emergency mode. Your body  is not made for that. It cannot focus on fighting bacteria and virus. It continues to remain alert every second. Muscles are stiff all the time. Lot of energy is spent on keeping the body running in this mode. Obviously you will fall sick easily. You will get spinal pains, cramps, knee aches when your muscles refuse to relax. You will feel tired more easily. This is depression. You will start depending on synthetic forms of serotonin and dopamine  that psychologists prescribe.

This is self harm. You poison your body yourself. You harm it with every negative thought.  This will lead to vicious circle of generating more negative thoughts.

To say that I do not meet your desires is like saying “I will only love the person who meets my desires”.

When desire becomes need and need becomes important than a being, love will die.

With Love,

Story of Anger

This is a very interesting story happened in life of Buddha which teaches many things. I have heard this story as told by Osho.. It teaches about Anger, Patience, Mind, Ego, reaction, Impressions, Forgiving etc. We cant be a Buddha, but at the minimum we can try not to live in the past…Hope you will like it …

(Found in reditt. not my content below)

The Buddha was sitting under a tree talking to his disciples when a man came and spit on his face. He wiped it off, and he asked the man, “What next? What do you want to say next?” The man was a little puzzled because he himself never expected that when you spit on somebody’s face, he will ask, “What next?” He had no such experience in his past. He had insulted people and they had become angry and they had reacted. Or if they were cowards and weaklings, they had smiled, trying to bribe the man. But Buddha was like neither, he was not angry nor in any way offended, nor in any way cowardly. But just matter-of-factly he said, “What next?” There was no reaction on his part.

Buddha’s disciples became angry, they reacted. His closest disciple, Ananda, said, “This is too much, and we cannot tolerate it. He has to be punished for it. Otherwise everybody will start doing things like this.”

Buddha said, “You keep silent. He has not offended me, but you are offending me. He is new, a stranger. He must have heard from people something about me, that this man is an atheist, a dangerous man who is throwing people off their track, a revolutionary, a corrupter. And he may have formed some idea, a notion of me. He has not spit on me, he has spit on his notion. He has spit on his idea of me because he does not know me at all, so how can he spit on me?

“If you think on it deeply,” Buddha said, “he has spit on his own mind. I am not part of it, and I can see that this poor man must have something else to say because this is a way of saying something. Spitting is a way of saying something. There are moments when you feel that language is impotent: in deep love, in intense anger, in hate, in prayer. There are intense moments when language is impotent. Then you have to do something. When you are angry, intensely angry, you hit the person, you spit on him, you are saying something. I can understand him. He must have something more to say, that’s why I’m asking, “What next?”

The man was even more puzzled! And Buddha said to his disciples, “I am more offended by you because you know me, and you have lived for years with me, and still you react.”

Puzzled, confused, the man returned home. He could not sleep the whole night. When you see a Buddha, it is difficult, impossible to sleep again the way you used to sleep before. Again and again he was haunted by the experience. He could not explain it to himself, what had happened. He was trembling all over and perspiring. He had never come across such a man; he shattered his whole mind and his whole pattern, his whole past.

The next morning he was back there. He threw himself at Buddha’s feet. Buddha asked him again, “What next? This, too, is a way of saying something that cannot be said in language. When you come and touch my feet, you are saying something that cannot be said ordinarily, for which all words are a little narrow; it cannot be contained in them.” Buddha said, “Look, Ananda, this man is again here, he is saying something. This man is a man of deep emotions.”

The man looked at Buddha and said, “Forgive me for what I did yesterday.”

Buddha said, “Forgive? But I am not the same man to whom you did it. The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every man is a river. The man you spit upon is no longer here. I look just like him, but I am not the same, much has happened in these twenty-four hours! The river has flowed so much. So I cannot forgive you because I have no grudge against you.”

“And you also are new. I can see you are not the same man who came yesterday because that man was angry and he spit, whereas you are bowing at my feet, touching my feet. How can you be the same man? You are not the same man, so let us forget about it. Those two people, the man who spit and the man on whom he spit, both are no more. Come closer. Let us talk of something else.”