Unaccepted Anger

Have you ever thought what happens when  anger that you show on other is not accepted ?

This Buddha story explains:

It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake!” Continue reading

Negativity

Dear Wife,

I have spoken to you many times about negativity. I want to explain  what is negativity and how it wrecks your body. Emotions are energised thoughts.

Emotion = Thoughts + Energy.

It can be used constructively as well as destructively.

We base our life on our desires. When a desire is not fulfilled and if mind interprets it negatively then it generates negative emotions. Anger, Fear, Greed, Jealousy, Guilt, Sadness, Anxiety etc are negative in nature.

  •  Anger – Feeling that you get when there is an obstacle to our desire
  •  Jealous – If we have/ dont have something that we desire and someone else has little more of it
  •  Sadness – If we loose something that we desire
  •  Guilt – Desiring or doing something against your moral

Desire is necessary for life but not compulsory. Desire should not become a need. This is where ego takes control of your thoughts. Ego will generate noise in your head like – I am the most unlucky person in this world or why should it happen to me always. You may start thinking that  he does not care for me because, He is not fulfilling my asks. Your mind takes that as a conclusion. If you give importance to these thoughts you are energising your thoughts.

If you get what you desired or if you do not consider that important your brain forces production of what is called happy hormone – serotonin and dopamine. This is sent into your blood stream. Any organ on receipt of this happy hormone relaxes itself. You feel a sense of happiness and achievement. Body works at its best optimum levels. This is what is human body is built for.

If you do not get what you desire and if your mind interprets it as a compulsive need not met – brian forces adrenal glands to generate hormones called cortisol and adrenaline also known as stress hormones. When this reaches your body parts through bloodstream they become rigid, alert, makes muscle stiff ready to fight. Your fight or flight mode is switched on.

For the body to be prepared for fight or flight it does various things when it sees cortisol

  • It releases a gush of glucose into blood stream, preparing energy for fight or flight
  • Suppresses immune system and diverts resources
  • Activates sympathetic nervous system which in turn suppresses digestion and food absorption as it has higher priority work to do
  • Constricts blood vessels and increases blood pressure preparing for delivery of higher dose of Oxygen for fighting or flying.

In Summary, your body starts working in a emergency mode. As long as the episode is short ( for Eg you will be sad when you loose a loved one ) you come out of it. But if this thought continues for days, months and years together then your body is always on emergency mode. Your body  is not made for that. It cannot focus on fighting bacteria and virus. It continues to remain alert every second. Muscles are stiff all the time. Lot of energy is spent on keeping the body running in this mode. Obviously you will fall sick easily. You will get spinal pains, cramps, knee aches when your muscles refuse to relax. You will feel tired more easily. This is depression. You will start depending on synthetic forms of serotonin and dopamine  that psychologists prescribe.

This is self harm. You poison your body yourself. You harm it with every negative thought.  This will lead to vicious circle of generating more negative thoughts.

To say that I do not meet your desires is like saying “I will only love the person who meets my desires”.

When desire becomes need and need becomes important than a being, love will die.

With Love,

Story of Anger

This is a very interesting story happened in life of Buddha which teaches many things. I have heard this story as told by Osho.. It teaches about Anger, Patience, Mind, Ego, reaction, Impressions, Forgiving etc. We cant be a Buddha, but at the minimum we can try not to live in the past…Hope you will like it …

(Found in reditt. not my content below)

The Buddha was sitting under a tree talking to his disciples when a man came and spit on his face. He wiped it off, and he asked the man, “What next? What do you want to say next?” The man was a little puzzled because he himself never expected that when you spit on somebody’s face, he will ask, “What next?” He had no such experience in his past. He had insulted people and they had become angry and they had reacted. Or if they were cowards and weaklings, they had smiled, trying to bribe the man. But Buddha was like neither, he was not angry nor in any way offended, nor in any way cowardly. But just matter-of-factly he said, “What next?” There was no reaction on his part.

Buddha’s disciples became angry, they reacted. His closest disciple, Ananda, said, “This is too much, and we cannot tolerate it. He has to be punished for it. Otherwise everybody will start doing things like this.”

Buddha said, “You keep silent. He has not offended me, but you are offending me. He is new, a stranger. He must have heard from people something about me, that this man is an atheist, a dangerous man who is throwing people off their track, a revolutionary, a corrupter. And he may have formed some idea, a notion of me. He has not spit on me, he has spit on his notion. He has spit on his idea of me because he does not know me at all, so how can he spit on me?

“If you think on it deeply,” Buddha said, “he has spit on his own mind. I am not part of it, and I can see that this poor man must have something else to say because this is a way of saying something. Spitting is a way of saying something. There are moments when you feel that language is impotent: in deep love, in intense anger, in hate, in prayer. There are intense moments when language is impotent. Then you have to do something. When you are angry, intensely angry, you hit the person, you spit on him, you are saying something. I can understand him. He must have something more to say, that’s why I’m asking, “What next?”

The man was even more puzzled! And Buddha said to his disciples, “I am more offended by you because you know me, and you have lived for years with me, and still you react.”

Puzzled, confused, the man returned home. He could not sleep the whole night. When you see a Buddha, it is difficult, impossible to sleep again the way you used to sleep before. Again and again he was haunted by the experience. He could not explain it to himself, what had happened. He was trembling all over and perspiring. He had never come across such a man; he shattered his whole mind and his whole pattern, his whole past.

The next morning he was back there. He threw himself at Buddha’s feet. Buddha asked him again, “What next? This, too, is a way of saying something that cannot be said in language. When you come and touch my feet, you are saying something that cannot be said ordinarily, for which all words are a little narrow; it cannot be contained in them.” Buddha said, “Look, Ananda, this man is again here, he is saying something. This man is a man of deep emotions.”

The man looked at Buddha and said, “Forgive me for what I did yesterday.”

Buddha said, “Forgive? But I am not the same man to whom you did it. The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every man is a river. The man you spit upon is no longer here. I look just like him, but I am not the same, much has happened in these twenty-four hours! The river has flowed so much. So I cannot forgive you because I have no grudge against you.”

“And you also are new. I can see you are not the same man who came yesterday because that man was angry and he spit, whereas you are bowing at my feet, touching my feet. How can you be the same man? You are not the same man, so let us forget about it. Those two people, the man who spit and the man on whom he spit, both are no more. Come closer. Let us talk of something else.”

Anger

Dear Wife,

Buddha beautifully talks about Anger as “Drinking poison and expecting other person to die”. It is one of the three poisons that Buddha talks about. Anger is best example of negative emotion which can never solve any problem but every day we use it to solve problems. It creates an illusion of having power and gives comfort of solving. If fed with more thoughts, all that it is capable of doing is to grow many other supporting negative emotions like resentment, frustration and hatred. If the receiver of anger is not conscious it will agitate them too.

Anger stems from your mental personal assessment of situation and making assumptions, evaluations, judgments or interpretations of situations. Anger is caused  by an obstacle to your desire. The level of anger is directly proportional to your level of desire. It makes you think that someone else is attempting to hurt you or by not responding the way that you want them to respond to.

Anger is a temporary solution for mind and ego. You don’t need to face the person you are angry with until they respond or you expect them solve the cause of your anger. It is ego’s way of making you feel rightful and get you a feeling of superiority by shifting the ownership of problem.

There can never be a rightful anger. However we as human beings it is impossible not to use this as self defense tool. But if you just become aware of anger and just tell yourself “Oh I am feeling angry. Anger wont solve the problem” next time when you see yourself angry, it will go away. Ego will need the anger to survive. It will try to convince you that what you are doing is right. If you give importance to ego mind it will become the poison that Buddha said.

Remember that best fighter is never angry. I am not saying not to fight for your rights. But never use anger to fight.

With Love,